Fruity Booty Duty

Bootay bootay bootay.

Also, I’m sure I’ll want to use the Funkadelic’s title Fruity Booty Duty again sometime, so deal with it.

She Drove Me To Daytime Television

Dude, someone get me a Swivel Sweeper.

The ShamWow has finally hit Australia and my God, seeing the infomercials on television rather than YouTube makes me want one ten times more. Ten times more INCREDIBLE. And totally beatable.

Swiney McSwine Face

Captain’s Log,

So today is what…day five/six of Swine Flu. I feel like I’m finally starting to get somewhere (touch wood).

In the past five days I have barely left my bed, I have showered maybe 3 times, I’ve filled my bed with sweat…countless times. It really hasn’t been very pleasant, but it could be a lot worse.

I have been sicker than my brother has, it has lasted longer for me (he’s had a worse cough but he always gets nasty coughs), and I’m just generally crap with illnesses (and…just generally crap).

SYMPTOMS:

• sore throat
• gross cough
• nose like a tap/faucet
• mad fever + chills
• mad body aches + cramps
• mad stomach ache (it feels like something is stabbing from the inside trying to get out)
• vomiting
• weakness
• fatigue
• ear ache/blockage

But the weight loss is always a bonus.

So today I’m starting to feel a bit better (TOUCH WOOD); cough and nose aren’t as bad (both still fairly nasty though), I feel I’ve got a bit more energy, I’m not in bed all day long, and my face is looking a lot healthier (I’ve got that retard glow starting to come back).

Hopefully, I’ll be able to go to the Belair Hotel Dining Experience I have planned for din dins tomorrow. I organised it a couple of weeks ago, for the kids to go to dinner at the newly renovated local pub/buffet that is now done up and no longer derro enough to be a buffet. Afterwards we might be going to town. I should be well enough to go to the din dins but I really want to go to town…but alas, I do not think that is possible.

Anyway, what I’m saying is that swine flu is pretty crappy. I’m hoping I don’t die, but meh, we’ll see what happens. 

P.S. Jeep Brah.

Baby I Got Your Money

Brother to me: “Do you even know who Old Dirty Bastard is?”

Mother: “Rod Stewart.”

March of the Pigs

I have swine flu. I’m not even kidding. Awesome.

I feel like crap.

Pigs are so cute.

My Girlfriend’s Dead

Arrested Development Quotes of the Day:

And second-of-ly, I know you‘re the big marriage expert. Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot. Your wife is dead.

Here’s some money. Go see a star war.

Image Is Nothing, Lobsters Are Everything

Arrested Development Quotes of the Day:

My *whispers* reproductive organ *whispers*  is shaped like a *whispers* lobster tail *whispers*, but without its shell.

She had all kinds of orgasms!

Easy Lucky Free

More fortunes!

• You will meet a new friend.
• Judge not according to the appearance.
• Every solution breeds new problems.
• To forgive calls upon our love, to forget calls upon our strength.
• Things are more like today than they ever have been before. (Well I guess that’s logical…)
• You have a natural grace and a great consideration for others. (Aww, shucks.)
• The greatest gift is love.
• Men love with their eyes; women love with their ears. (Right…gross. That’s some strange sex.)

And the best one of the batch:

• Don’t forget, you are always on our minds.

WHO’S MINDS!? Creepy fortune cookie is stalking me.

DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN (PAH PAH)

Hahahaha ohh poor Andrea…she’s not very attractive.

Blog views from someone searching ‘how to kill a stray cat that hangs around’. WINRAR!